- I suffer PTSD or dissociation
- I have depression and anxiety
- I drink my problems away
- I
cut and scratch myself until I draw bloodself-harm - I don't eat as much as I used to
- I don't sleep much because of the PTSD and anxiety
I often feel worthless and want to end my lifeI have trust issues with people- I'm failing classes and have to retake them in order to graduate on time
- I quit my extracurricular activities because my depression made me detach from others
- I hate my body
Sometimes I wonder why in the hell I was even bornI hate my life on frequent basis- I am a damaged person who is incapable of love
I'm a freak
Friday, January 12, 2018
Just one of those days
I'm trying to get better but...sometimes it gets so hard I just wanna give up...
Friday, December 1, 2017
Depression post
Worthless insensitive piece of shit who doesn't deserve anything good in their life
Insignificant
Damaged
I thought I was special.
I thought I was creative.
I'm not.
I'm nothing.
Insignificant
Damaged
I thought I was special.
I thought I was creative.
I'm not.
I'm nothing.
Depression Post
"It's not always about you."
It never fucking is! When is it ever about me? Oh I know when I leave for school, that's when. When I exit your lives, you're eager as hell to get me out.
It never fucking is! When is it ever about me? Oh I know when I leave for school, that's when. When I exit your lives, you're eager as hell to get me out.
Depression post
Not exactly wanted at home.
But then again...when am I ever wanted?
Not even my own parents wanted me at first.
I was nothing but a mistake
A stupid mistake that should've never happened :')
Not feeling wanted is normal for me
I mean no one ever wants me around
Now I hate me too :')
Who wouldn't?!
I'm nothing but a piece of shit.
Whenever I look in the mirror I hate what I see
All I do is push people away.
But then again...when am I ever wanted?
Not even my own parents wanted me at first.
I was nothing but a mistake
A stupid mistake that should've never happened :')
Not feeling wanted is normal for me
I mean no one ever wants me around
Now I hate me too :')
Who wouldn't?!
I'm nothing but a piece of shit.
Whenever I look in the mirror I hate what I see
All I do is push people away.
Thursday, July 20, 2017
I can't
It's getting harder and harder. The stress, the anxiety, the depression. It's almost becoming too much for me to handle anymore. This strong persona I show to everyone, I don't know how much longer I can keep it up. I've even contemplated going back to cutting myself again. Replacing my emotional pain with a physical one. Just waiting for the moment I decide "fuck it". Let the cold sharp metal dig into my skin. Tracing a crimson path on me.
Sometimes I just want it to stop and give up.
Tuesday, June 20, 2017
Dad: the nitpicker
I swear my dad has to nitpick everything I do and everything about.
1) I don't TV shows as much as anymore. Now I watch the music channel and just listen to the songs.
Nitpick: "Do you ever watch TV?" "Don't you watch anything other than this station?" "Do ever watch cartoons?"
a) "Power Rangers don't come on anymore." "Aren't you a little old for Power Rangers?"
You literally just asked if I watch cartoons and now I'm too old for them?!
2) My usual haircut is an undercut and long bangs. My hair grew a bit in the last 3 months since my last haircut.
Nitpick: "You need a haircut." "When you gonna get this cut?" "Please tell you're gonna do something about this."
a) I get my haircut. Shaved. Shorter bangs. Styled in a pompadour look.
"Who cut your hair?" "Why?" "Seriously who cut your hair?" [He didn't like it]
3) I started doing my own laundry now.
Nitpick: "Why did you wait til now to do laundry?" "I need to sleep."
a) I was working Friday. I had my haircut appointment Saturday. Mom was doing Saturday/Sunday. I had work Monday. So yeah today (Tuesday) was the only day I could do it.
Sometimes the emotional abuse I get from him gets to be too much for me to the point I almost started cutting again. I keep thinking...I could easily do it. No one would ever know nor care. I have knives. I could do it on my legs. Easy.
But I didn't though. But shit this family is not making it easy on me at all.
1) I don't TV shows as much as anymore. Now I watch the music channel and just listen to the songs.
Nitpick: "Do you ever watch TV?" "Don't you watch anything other than this station?" "Do ever watch cartoons?"
a) "Power Rangers don't come on anymore." "Aren't you a little old for Power Rangers?"
You literally just asked if I watch cartoons and now I'm too old for them?!
2) My usual haircut is an undercut and long bangs. My hair grew a bit in the last 3 months since my last haircut.
Nitpick: "You need a haircut." "When you gonna get this cut?" "Please tell you're gonna do something about this."
a) I get my haircut. Shaved. Shorter bangs. Styled in a pompadour look.
"Who cut your hair?" "Why?" "Seriously who cut your hair?" [He didn't like it]
3) I started doing my own laundry now.
Nitpick: "Why did you wait til now to do laundry?" "I need to sleep."
a) I was working Friday. I had my haircut appointment Saturday. Mom was doing Saturday/Sunday. I had work Monday. So yeah today (Tuesday) was the only day I could do it.
Sometimes the emotional abuse I get from him gets to be too much for me to the point I almost started cutting again. I keep thinking...I could easily do it. No one would ever know nor care. I have knives. I could do it on my legs. Easy.
But I didn't though. But shit this family is not making it easy on me at all.
Friday, September 9, 2016
My roommate
And here I thought I would stop posting once I moved into my new dorm room away from my family. I was straight up wrong! My roommate is an immature little shit!
First she would go out for parties and get tipsy (even though she's under age) all the time the first week of school.
Second she got needy. She desperately craved attention. Whenever I would ignore her to study or do homework she would throw random objects at me to get my attention. Even when I told her to quit it after the first time. She threw a pillow, a spoon, a wad of yarn, and a magnet at me!
Third she's messy. Her side of the room is always a wreck (worse than mine which is saying something cuz I'm usually a organized mess). And her stuff is usually on my side of the room.
Fourth she's narcissistic. She constantly talks about her fuck buddies, sex life, and how's she is better looking than me. Are fucking kidding me?!!
Fifth she's inconsiderate. I'm allergic to garlic and she orders pizza with garlic sauce even though she knows the smells makes me ill too. And always (loudly) Skyping people when I'm trying to work on homework and studying!
Ugh! A junior really shouldn't have to room with a freshman. I chose her but her profile said she was the opposite of what she is now. Even when we video chatted she did not appear this way. Fucking hell!!!
First she would go out for parties and get tipsy (even though she's under age) all the time the first week of school.
Second she got needy. She desperately craved attention. Whenever I would ignore her to study or do homework she would throw random objects at me to get my attention. Even when I told her to quit it after the first time. She threw a pillow, a spoon, a wad of yarn, and a magnet at me!
Third she's messy. Her side of the room is always a wreck (worse than mine which is saying something cuz I'm usually a organized mess). And her stuff is usually on my side of the room.
Fourth she's narcissistic. She constantly talks about her fuck buddies, sex life, and how's she is better looking than me. Are fucking kidding me?!!
Fifth she's inconsiderate. I'm allergic to garlic and she orders pizza with garlic sauce even though she knows the smells makes me ill too. And always (loudly) Skyping people when I'm trying to work on homework and studying!
Ugh! A junior really shouldn't have to room with a freshman. I chose her but her profile said she was the opposite of what she is now. Even when we video chatted she did not appear this way. Fucking hell!!!
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